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Dr. Greene prefaces his book by saying that his approach, outlined in this book, is not designed for children misbehave because they don't understand the rules, or for children who understand the rules but defy them because of motivational factors. The methods described in the book are designed for children who: A) know the rules; B) want to cooperate (in general, and when they're calm); but C) often fail to do what they should do, or do what they should not do, because they easily become overwhelmed with frustration, stop thinking clearly, begin spewing "mental debris" (swearing, name-calling, false accusations, hitting, kicking) because they have deficits in the skills of being flexible and handling frustration. Dr. Greene's approach is basically a three-step one. First, all of the factors that contribute to the child's inflexibility, tendency to be easily frustrated, and tendency to be overwhelmed by frustration, are identified, and all parties who play an important role in the child's life (parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, school administrators, relatives, etc.) are involved in developing a common view of the child's behavior as resulting from a skill-deficit. Once that is accomplished, the child is to be treated like any of us who have a deficit in some skill or other: accommodations are made when necessary while the child simultaneously is coached and guided in skill-building. Step two involves a detailed prioritization of demands to be placed on the child, with the metaphor of three baskets used. Basket A contains those demands that important enough so that authority figures are willing to tolerate a "meltdown" (frustration-driven rage episode involving mental incoherence and spewing of mental debris) rather than abdicate authority. Basket A is where authority figures take a stand to maintain authority. Items that go in Basket A usually focus on safety issues. Basket C are those behaviors which would be nice to have but are not important enough to warrant a meltdown or heavy-duty work at this time. Basket B involves behaviors that have high priority but do not involve safety or other urgent factors, and this is where step three, skill-building, comes in. Step three is where the key adults in a child's life work on helping the child build those skills which did not develop in an age-typical fashion, specifically adaptability or flexibility, modulating frustration, and coping with frustration. The child and the adults in his/her life work to very clearly identify frustration triggers, define the early signs of the child's frustration, and introduce techniques that will interrupt the frustration-induced decompensation in reasoning and behavior that was the problem pattern. Dr. Greene puts a lot of emphasis on how this "front-end" or interruptive, preventative work can save a lot of work and pain for everyone in the long run. The child's parents, and other authority figures like teachers, have already been working very hard with the inflexible-explosive child, but have not gotten much payoff for this work, as it has usually been "back-end" or after-the-blow-up work. If meltdowns and explosions were the result of poor motivation or mislearning of the rules, rewards and punishments would be the approach of choice. But, with children who know the rules and want to comply, but who deteriorate into a frustration-fueled meltdown when asked to do something that requires high levels of a skill at which they are deficient (i.e., stop doing an incomplete task, switch to a new task that is difficult and very different from the previous task), consequences (punishments) will make them feel bad (and more frustrated) over their shortcomings, but do nothing to prevent the next occurrence. Many of us expect children to develop the skills of flexibility and frustration tolerance on their own, and most children do so, but this book is for the children who lag behind in developing these skills. The adults in their lives must actively step in and become, first a surrogate frontal cortex (the part of the brain where decision-making and problem-solving occurs), and later an annex to the frontal cortex; eventually, the child's skills in these areas will develop to a point where meltdowns become rare. Dr. Greene talks about how the methods he describes are applied within the family, as well as within the school. The methods do require work from many people, including the child, but probably less work, overall and in the long run, then what they are currently doing. This book is well-written, gives many examples, is very detailed, and does not sell itself as a panacea, as many psychology books on parenting do. Dr. Greene acknowledges the limits of his approach, and makes it clear who the book is for, and who it is not for.
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